knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit
wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
That was deep
philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie
That was deeper.
common sense is knowing that ketchup isn’t a damn smoothie you nasty
YOU REALLY THINK A FUCKIN PANCAKE IS GONNA FIX THIS HEATHER
most of the lights are out in my kitchen so there’s a spotlight on my fridge
smell the goddamn flower you piece of shit baby chicken
Nathan Fillion is not appreciated enough.
Spending my night ruining the free world
his pledge to her:
I will kill the spiders. I will share my fries with you when you’ve finished all yours and are still hungry. I won’t ever pop my collar. I will never be rude to your tummy- when I hear it growl and gurgle, I promise to bend down and reply respectfully. I will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza. I will kiss the papercuts and the door-slammed finger and the counter-bumped hip. I’ll try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies. I will be the big spoon. I will let you win at wrestling, sometimes. other times I will not. I will go faster, harder. I will pull when you want and tease you when you don’t. I will send you random texts and leave you silly gifts. not always. not on schedule. just whenever I want to. whenever I think you need one. or seven. I will check your tire pressure and remind you to take your car in. I will hold your hand. I will love you. I will love you. I will love you.
White People: - “Black people are always pulling the race card!”